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No Sleep

It Felt Like Glass

by No Better

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1.
i wanna love completely for every second to burst with meaning conscious effort in all my thinking to always try and see the beauty in my worst mornings and the longest nights i wanna learn to be there all the time i wanna walk with poise and light i wanna learn to be there all the time so what's with this sinking feeling? i have friends who love me the old brag of my heart reminds me i am, i am, i am, i am
2.
i feel you pouring over me the first rain after the longest summer you live under my skin, and i let you in cause i like the feeling late october getting cold, the moon a marigold we walk back to my apartment like in a dream i lose control, something like vertigo i lose myself in you i feel so lucky to learn the language of your body lying in your room, i could hear you talk for hours come over, i've got ideas come over.... i wanna show you how nice the constants feel like a promise ring love song in spring you surround me and make me believe in the sweeter things i've written off for too long the echos that ring // pour over me you're the sweeter things // let me drown in you my love says always.
3.
you lie fast asleep i sit still and listen to you breathe our hearts beat the same i slow my breathing to match your breathing & you're gone in the morning i'll drown myself in an ashtray of nervous thought and wonder what you're doing i just don't wanna think of when you leave so i try my best just to take you in making notes in my head so i don't forget it look around, swear to god i'll remember this we were each other's then, we were each other's then the wind creeps through your window i wonder how you sleep in a room so cold i place my hand on your shoulder i slow my breathing to match your breathing & you're gone in the morning i'll drown myself in the stuff that makes me sick and wonder what you're doing your sheets are soft like the layers of your skin i walk you to your car parked on the street the silence is deafening wondering if i'll ever see you again well i doubt that so i try my best just to take you in making notes in my head so i don't forget it.
4.
what's it take to grow? what's it take to do something that you're proud of? before you decompose before the ground overtakes your bones seconds race and i'm afraid i get so nervous about growing older seconds race and i'm afraid i'll sit back and watch it all escape me 'everything you've missed don't you want a taste of it?' everything you could have been haunts your dreams when you are sleeping some time alone: it's friday night and the whole world's fucking spending time alone: something in me needs the quiet cause i don't wanna grow old to get drunk and stare at some old photos seconds stretch, i'm claiming time, i'm finally writing my own lines. i only wanna feel there. i wanna make it matter.
5.
Still  04:36
stare at your pictures i've pinned up on my wall and i wonder if you wonder about me still at all well i've been doing fine, i've been doing alright, but god i miss you here when things get quiet heard you got that job you wanted. heard you made all those friends you'd always wished you had. heard about your new life and it made me feel weird but did you think that you could let me in? i'd dig to mars just to see you again. would you let me in? i think i'd wait all night if i had to i wanna be there in the morning, waking up just to watch you sleep. i wanna be there in the morning, i wanna be there when your eyes first open but oh, you can get so cold. and oh, i know, still water runs deep. but oh, you know i would drown in you happily. stare at your pictures i've pinned up on my wall and i wonder if you wonder about me still at all i miss the sound of your breath, i miss the cat on chest i see you everywhere in everything since you left i wanna be there in the morning wake up and roll around in your sheets i wanna be there in the morning wanna drive to your house and say i'm sorry
6.
Waver  04:00
trying hard to learn something from this truth is that i just miss you trying hard to make sense of the years how 'i love you's' turn to 'take cares' over night put away the paintings you made me they lie in boxes in my closet now wake up every morning feeling dizzy wake up and i'm surprised not to see you there play our better nights over in my head makes me wanna die and stay dead my god i hate the way you waver can't explain why you're still the one i want i can't help but think it means something that you still run through me i can't help but think it means something meant something putting off the day i give you back your things days between emails telling you that i'm just busy truth is it would be so good to see you again but not this way, not just for seconds not under these circumstances i try my best to wash you off but you've pierced my skin and you swim through my blood i know that can never really go away now justified distance with time, filled the emptiness with lazy lies tried to force the parts but they never fit quite right.
7.
Cordova 02:18
your mother calls me into her bedroom i walk in to find her kneeling by the dresser drawer an empty glass of wine to her left, your framed obituary card lying on the floor catholic hymns play soft on the TV she starts removing your old clothing: your old shirts, class sweater, your practice jersey she waves me over and hands them to me i smell the scents of your living body, i almost feel your essence i hold your clothing tight in my hand and think of you chasing lose balls with your friends sydney's in town for the weekend we smoke her cigarette's and listen to cars on cassette and i wish you were here you had so much life to live, still your shirts hang in my closet unwashed always and still unworn your old shirts hang in my closet i only took them cause your mother implored see them and think of us as children passing days in our youthful stride a world of open windows watching lakers games when you'd spend the night i wanna be the kind of person people miss learn to love those around me the way you did wanna see past all my stupid problems learn to see the world outside myself i know you are, i know who you were and i guess that that's enough i know you are, i know who were and i swear the i'll keep that with me
8.
Jets 02:35
she lost faith in god she can't keep plants alive and there's this itching, sinking feeling when the sun reties at night twenty four and where did the years go? she's smoking menthol's again just to get her through the season wishes that she had better friends wants to feel youth while she can twenty four and where did the years go? adult life seems so cold twenty four and where did the years go? we spent them on the phone cross country lover by the window i'd like to see her smile, know she's fine (think i'd be better at saying goodbye) i hope she loves again, hope they're gentle and kind (i hope you're alright.)
9.
i could hardly stand the funeral i could hardly bear to watch your sister cry it made me feel so sad and small hearing all the things i didn't know until you died and i miss you and i wish we had more time felt like i had to justify my knowing you with the tears that i cried and oh god, i feel so guilty wondering if you felt my love when you were alive strain my voice in the echo of your memory (parts of you still stay in thoughts and words) writing just to keep you closer (parts of you still stay) trying hard just to have you with me writing to have something to keep keep starting all these songs about you but i can't say enough, i can't say it right, i'll never it right and i miss you and i wish we had more time and i miss you hope this gets to alright
10.
holes burn in my pocket and i'm only getting older holes burn in my pocket and what do i have, what's it take to be cool calm and confident & to have to time for everything to know for sure who i am, what i want, and what i really need
11.
gray day, i guess i shouldn't complain things have been fine lately get dressed, take small steps i'm old enough to know it's circumstance been feeling too intense, bought cigarettes it felt good just to leave the bedroom feigning distance, stuck in my head inside a room of friends long drive, i'm tired snow falls in little mountains on top of the window and it felt like glass, safe and smooth til she left she said she couldn't keep me warm forever long drive, i'm tired i'm trying hard to keep my eyes on the yellow line and it felt like, safe and secure til she left and now i'm here picking up the pieces drive slow, let it go. my friends have shown me so much love through presence. my friends have shown me so much. i don't believe in any god or cosmic fate, but the people i love make a damn good case i don't believe in the holy men, the protestants but i swear there's something sacred here mounds of meaning lingering in all of this worried sick about my parent's death mom's voicemail made me cry again i think of her voice will sound when... i can hardly bear to say it i know it's coming soon she'll be leaving soon mounting pressure of moments trying to connect getting lost, checking out just thinking of it slow me down. remind me how it feels to be there. always try to cling to whatever it is that's most important to you. always give your full attention to all the people you love what it is that matters.

credits

released July 27, 2018

All music written and performed by No Better.
Tracked between January and March 2018 at Sonikwire Studios, Musicbox Studios, and The Frame.

Drums and Guitar Re-Amps engineered by Alex Bush
Overdubs & Vocals engineered by Anthony Razo
Drum Tech : Jason Montgomery
Mixing Engineer: Robert Cheek @ exex studios
Mastered by Eric Broyhill @ monsterlab


No Better is
Josh Olivier
Anthony Razo
Manuel Vasquez
Daniel Strain

Percussion performed by Jason Montgomery
Special thanks to Jon O’Brien @ Musicbox

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